THE ORCHID THIEF PROFESSIONAL

Usually, the end is accompanied by a dramatic pronouncement. His passions boil up quickly and end abruptly, like tornadoes. Then he dropped turtles and Ice Age fossils and became obsessed with lapidary, and then after a while he dropped lapidary and got into collecting and resilvering old mirrors. He became immersed in late-Ice Age fossils. When he wanted a pet, he bought a little turtle, then bought ten little turtles, then tried to breed them, then started selling turtles to other kids, then decided his life wasn’t worth living unless he acquired one of every species of rare turtle, including a three-hundred-pound exotic tortoise from the Galápagos Islands. I have extensive experience with orchids, and the asexual micropropagation of orchids under aseptic cultures.” Then he grinned and said to the court, “I’m probably the smartest person I know.” I’ve owned a plant nursery of my own. . . .

THE ORCHID THIEF PROFESSIONAL

He stuck his thumbs in his belt loops and said, “I’ve been a professional horticulturist for approximately twelve years. Laroche sauntered to the center of the courtroom.

At the hearing, he was called forward and asked to state his name and address and to describe his experience in working with plants. He was wearing wraparound Mylar sunglasses, a cotton-blend shirt printed with some sort of scenic design, and trousers that bagged around his rear. The occasion was a hearing following Laroche’s arrest for illegally taking endangered wild orchids, which he is passionate about, from the Fakahatchee Strand State Preserve, which is a place he adores. My introduction to Laroche took place last summer, in the new Collier County Courthouse, in Naples, Florida.

The Seminole nicknames for Laroche are Crazy White Man and Troublemaker. He is thirty-four years old, and works for the Seminole Tribe of Florida, setting up a plant nursery on the tribal reservation near Miami.

He has the posture of al dente spaghetti and the nervous intensity of someone who plays a lot of video games. John Laroche is a tall guy, skinny as a stick, pale-eyed, slouch-shouldered, and sharply handsome, in spite of the fact that he is missing all his front teeth. To desire orchids is to have a desire that can never be fully requited. New orchids are created or discovered every day.

The orchid thief